The Contraband

Issue date: 9/29/04 Section: News

Now that we have discussed how over you he is and vice versa in last week's issue, we should discuss what you should do to have a better relationship in the future. First of all, you should never stay in a relationship in which you are not sexually satisfied. You should not be having sex with a person if you cannot talk to that person about your needs. This is just common sense. However, a lot of things that you would think are common sense are oblivious to women.

For example, what men say and what they mean are two different things according to Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo, both writers of the book "He's Just Not That Into You: The No Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys." If a guy calls you his friend, what he should mean is that he would never do anything to intentionally hurt you, but what he really means is that he is just not that into you. If a guy has already had sex with you and he calls you his friend, then he does not want a relationship, just sex.

However, there are other phrases that men use instead of "I am just not that into you" to let you know that they do not want to be with you. Some are "I have been really busy," "I am not ready," "I am not into family" and "I have a fear of intimacy." These phrases all mean that they are just not that into you. My favorite is "I love you, but I am not in love with you." What this really means is that "I do not want to see you cry, but I am really not that into you."

There are other things that guys and girls use to try to get the point across, too. These are just the most common, according to Behrendt and Tuccillo.

Once you are familiar with the lingo, it is a lot easier to deal with the opposite sex. We all say that we would want to be told the truth, but that is easier said than done. Anytime a guy tells a girl that he does not want to be with her, she is going to feel rejected. According to Behrendt, a man would walk to the ends of the earth to avoid seeing a girl cry. So they try to make the rejection as smooth as possible.

The best thing for anyone to do is reset their standards. If you chose someone who is not compatible with you, then you made a bad choice. Do not make a bad choice next time or at least realize that you did make a choice. Some helpful hints from Behrendt and Tuccillo:

Do not date anyone who makes you feel sexually undesirable.

Do not, under any circumstances, spend you precious time with anyone who has already rejected you.

Do not date someone who is afraid to talk about your future.

Do not date someone who is not sure what they want.

Do not date someone who you must continue to make excuses for.

Now, go set some standards of your own and stick to them.

The best relationship of your life is out there waiting for you. Go get it.

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