The Bradford Files
A salute to "Wikipedia guy," mullets and Tiger fans
Brian Bradford
Issue date: 2/18/08 Section: Opinion
I have attended McNeese State University for almost five years. Although some frown upon spending this long in college, namely my wallet, I have absolutely no regrets. My time at this wonderful university has provided me with countless memories and priceless friends. Additionally, I have had the opportunity to meet some very interesting people, and it is high time to honor them with the prestige of being mentioned in a Contraband article. Thus, I explore the people who intrigue me.
First is the guy who sees breaking news occur on CNN and immediately thinks, "I've got to update Wikipedia!" Regardless of what the news is, his only concern is running to the nearest computer and informing the masses as soon as possible. World hunger, poverty and AIDS could all be cured at once and, rather than celebrate, this man will browse his internet right to everyone's favorite web resource and submit his newly acquired knowledge regardless of its accuracy. Besides, it can always be changed later; right now, word simply needs to be spread.
Another person eliciting intrigue is the hairdresser that cuts mullets for people. I can only imagine the sick things that go through this person's mind. I am no lawyer, but certainly there must be some laws that prevent malicious persons from taking advantage of others. Unfortunately, this crime against nature goes completely unpunished, as can be seen by the miraculous bounty of mullets at Contraband Days. These hairdressers must be both slick salesmen and vile pranksters in order to manipulate people into paying for that hairstyle. However, if you happen to be the proud owner of a mullet, please do not take offense, for you are indeed the victim.
My intrigue continues concerning people who can roll their R's. I literally have no idea how these people do it; I am completely baffled. Every time I try to emulate that sound I end up formulating a ghastly noise I imagine is similar to gargling motor oil. When an attractive female walks by, the sound I produce is neither exotic nor arousing; it is bizarre. Therefore, R-rollers, I silently salute you.
First is the guy who sees breaking news occur on CNN and immediately thinks, "I've got to update Wikipedia!" Regardless of what the news is, his only concern is running to the nearest computer and informing the masses as soon as possible. World hunger, poverty and AIDS could all be cured at once and, rather than celebrate, this man will browse his internet right to everyone's favorite web resource and submit his newly acquired knowledge regardless of its accuracy. Besides, it can always be changed later; right now, word simply needs to be spread.
Another person eliciting intrigue is the hairdresser that cuts mullets for people. I can only imagine the sick things that go through this person's mind. I am no lawyer, but certainly there must be some laws that prevent malicious persons from taking advantage of others. Unfortunately, this crime against nature goes completely unpunished, as can be seen by the miraculous bounty of mullets at Contraband Days. These hairdressers must be both slick salesmen and vile pranksters in order to manipulate people into paying for that hairstyle. However, if you happen to be the proud owner of a mullet, please do not take offense, for you are indeed the victim.
My intrigue continues concerning people who can roll their R's. I literally have no idea how these people do it; I am completely baffled. Every time I try to emulate that sound I end up formulating a ghastly noise I imagine is similar to gargling motor oil. When an attractive female walks by, the sound I produce is neither exotic nor arousing; it is bizarre. Therefore, R-rollers, I silently salute you.
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